We adopted our daughter from Guatemala. We've always been very affirming about her cultural origins. We have images of Guatemala in the house, she has been enrolled in Spanish classes since very early childhood, we listen to Guatemalan music, etc. She is in the fourth grade now, and seems suddenly very disinterested and even rejecting of her birth culture. She gets angry if we try to bring it up. How do we find the balance between affirming her roots and letting her be an all-American kid?

The situation you describe is clearly difficult for both of you, as parents who have clear values about helping your daughter feel rooted in both Guatemalan and U.S. culture. There can be a few separate or combined causes for her behavior at this point in her life, and only you, her parents, may be able to sort it out. That said, here are some things you may want to consider.

The primary school years represent a time when children work on their identities in more self-conscious ways. It is likely that she is not simply "disinterested", but actively struggling to figure out where she stands between her Guatemalan and "American" heritages, which include the rich experiences you have provided.

While culture shapes us more from without, questions of identity are deep and come from within each of us as well. Although still a child, your daughter is her own person. The balance you seek may include letting her find her way for a while. That doesn't mean that you can't listen to Guatemalan music, speak Spanish, etc., but no one can enforce activities that require engagement. At the same time, you may have certain practices or rituals that date to her adoption that you as a family are not willing to give up. You can tell her your limits.

One idea is to help guide her in directions that may help her in other aspects of her identity quest. Since this is the period of "making and doing", her interest in projects, the arts, sports, etc. is another path toward greater self-definition. Also, children's literature exists that explore such issues and your local librarian can help you. Additionally, there are on-line support groups for multi-racial families that can also be a good place to share your concerns.

One's roots have a way of reappearing at different points in one's life. As adults we can think back to aspects of our selves that have been more at the forefront of our lives at times and less so at others. It is unlikely that she has forgotten her Guatemalan roots, but they may need to lie dormant for a while as she attunes to her life growing up in the U.S., with North American parents.

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