My five-year-old son is a great little guy, very happy and sociable. He has been, for at least a year now, consistently choosing "girly' clothing from the dress-up box in school, adopting female roles in imaginary play, and seeming to prefer the girls in school for playmates. As a gay man, I like to think I'm fine with this, but to tell you the truth, I'm concerned that maybe it's something I'm doing. I'm not RuPaul, but I'm not the butchest guy on the block, either. Is my son likely to be gay? Transgender? Or is this a phase? Should I sign him up for T-ball even if he'd rather take tap?

The most important piece of your posting is that your little guy is "very happy and sociable." No one really knows where and how gender non-conformity developsalthough there are multiple contributors; experience and biology being the most significant. It sounds like his school is accepting of his preferences, which is important. Even more crucial is your acceptance of his exploration and interests. Are there others with whom you can talk out your questioning feelings and thoughts? Children have platinum antenna, so he might pick up the hesitancy on your part. As to what this behavior means, no one can say for sure. It is my personal belief that as a culture, we spend entirely too much time predicting what will be, versus living with the moment.

For any child, gay parent or not, one important piece of information is to let children know that as they grow older that there may be some resistance to their gender non-conforming behavior by other children, and even adults. This is simply a protective function that you can provide for him.

And again, any child who expresses a clear preference for one activity over another needs support from his parent to be free to become who he wants to become. Identity issues are hard enough to figure out. Children need a cheering section to help them through.

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