Our son has only positive feelings about what it means to have gay dads. He's been in the Pride March, and we've been out, open, and proud about our "family diversity" from day one. We're becoming concerned about what he's hearing in school, though. He's coming home saying that other kids are making fun of him for having two dads, for not having a mom, for implying that his family is weird (in second grade!). We have been happy with the school thus far, but we want to advocate for him around a new challenge. How do we begin?

Begin by affirming your family and reassuring your child. All children want and need to feel that, in the face of discrimination and hurtful words, they are not the problem. Before approaching his teachers, learn as much as you can from your son about the circumstances surrounding the comments. If you can provide specific information to his teacher(s) about when, where, and who was involved, you can gauge if this is an isolated situation, involves one or several of his classmates, and when the hurtful words are being delivered. Chances are they happen when adults are out of earshot. It is an important lesson for your child to see you take action. You also send a clear message to the school, his peers, and their families that teasing is wrong. Second graders are well on their way to establishing their multilayered identities. Unlike their race/ethnicity, assigned gender, or even age, their family structure is often out of their control. While your son is clear about how he came to be and who his family is, his peers and their families may not be. If you have not done so already, or even if you did when your son was three and four years old, be prepared to discuss your family to his class. Use age appropriate language and answer children's questions with honesty and simplicity. This might require support from the school since what you say to your son's classmates is sure to get to their families. Check out the following links for literature and further reading.

What to say to "That's so Gay"

Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere

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